we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
