apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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