apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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