i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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