He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
