I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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