come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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