Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
