i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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