he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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