I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
