Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
