by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
