I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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