I wanna bring you to show and tell
he puts the penis in happiness.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My vagina is very pro this idea
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
