hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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