I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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