So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
