cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
