Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
