goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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