A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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