i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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