Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize