My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
