Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
