How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
