I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
