OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if only i could text you this smell
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
