She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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