On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
