What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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