fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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