could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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