In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
