i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
