So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish my penis had an off switch
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
