me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
