ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
