i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
