There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
