i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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