You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
