i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Everything about him screamed your future.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
