He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
