I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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