Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
