can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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