so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I could fuck to npr.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
