I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i dont even know how to be here
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
