I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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