He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He did a backflip because drugs
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
