I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
