at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
