I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
